I did it!!!! I made it through six weeks of trauma surgery at Hershey! Looking back on the whole thing I cannot believe I made it. Even falling asleep at night was difficult because I knew what I was going to have to face the next day- a butt kicking beyond anything I had experienced. There was no real way to prepare for the next day. You never knew what kind of traumas would roll through the doors. And you never knew what random topic you were going to be quizzed incessantly on that day. And when I say quiz I don't just mean "asked a question and if you don't know the answer big deal just look it up". I mean if you don't know the answer that's license to get in your face and rapid fire more and more questions until you have been reduced to a shapeless blob of pond scum. Some days by the time they were done with me I didn't even know my own name. Strangely this form of so called teaching actually worked for me. I think it worked because I was absolutely terrified of the humiliation that came from not knowing the answers.

The traumas themselves were challenging as well. From a medical standpoint it wasn't too bad because you just follow a specific algorithm that has been beat into your brain. The difficultly arose when you let your mind wonder from it's preprogrammed path to allowing it to process what exactly is going on from the human standpoint. In other words I got into trouble when I let myself feel. I only did trauma for six weeks so I never developed the ability to be unaffected by the events that had just unfolded in front of me. Many of the trauma attendings, PAs, and nurses have developed this. I don't think I ever want to get to the point where the loss of a life is routine. During my time at Hershey I saw at least a dozen level one traumas and a whole lot more level twos. There are three that stick out in my mind. I remember everything about them; the smells, sounds, injuries, and outcomes. I even remember the feeling after it's all over. It didn't matter what time of the day the trauma came in. When they were bad I always walked away in a state of numbness. I walked through the remainder of the day just going through the motions. I was afraid to allow myself to process the trauma in it's entirety until I was home in the comfort of my room and usually talking it out on the phone with a friend.

It may sound like it but I don't regret doing trauma surgery. I have come out on the other side a stronger person with tougher skin. I've learned how to take a beating and still hold my head up. I've matured as a PA was well. I feel more in control now in situations that seem out of control than I ever before. And finally I've learned that you can do well in any situation if you are willing to work hard enough for it. The best things in life are the things you sacrifice for.